I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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