Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
