I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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