Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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