Will you blow on my dice?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
