the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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