may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love having hate sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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