i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
