omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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