I just threw up on my dentist
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
