I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
