Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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