Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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