About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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