No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
