I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
