i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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