i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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