did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
