It's just like the Real World with babies
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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