i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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