If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
