And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize