hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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