remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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