Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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