I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
