Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
