Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
