I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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