Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
