In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
this is an emotional support booty call
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