My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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