i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
