You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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