your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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