Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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