What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
