just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
