I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
