Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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