Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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