hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
