there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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