One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
