Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
