She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
