What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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