Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
