If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
