My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
