Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my shit smells like andre
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
