yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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