dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
