Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
