question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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