What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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