the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this beer tastes like vomit already
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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