Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
