the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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