I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
