seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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