I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Boobs are out for the taking
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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