i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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