Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
