Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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