Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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