he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
as a side note pls kill me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
