I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
